Location: Ovingdean, Sussex, England (TQ3503)
Year: Perf. About 1870
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: [Not given]


The Mummers' Play
Oxford, Clarendon Press, 1923, pp.203-205



[Father Christmas]

In comes I oh Father Christmas
Am I welcome or am I not?
I hope old Father Christmas and I
Shall never be forgot.
Room, Room, Lady and Gentleman,
Room, Room, I say
For I am the Noble Captain
Brought all my men this way.

[Twin Twain]

In comes I little Twin Twain
the noble man of all this Press Gang.
I press them all and sent them all aboard of man o'war.
Although I am but little and small
I call myself the best man among them all.

[Father Bellzie Bub]

In come I old Father Bellzie Bub,
Over my shoulder I carry my club.
My head is made of a dripping pan,
And don't you think I am a handsome young man
Room, Room, Lady and Gentleman,
Room, Room, I say.
Step in King George and clear the way.

[King George]

In comes I King George
That man of courage bold,
With my sword and spear
I won three hundred ton in gold,
It was I who killed the dragon
And sent him to a slaughter,
And by those means I won
The queen of Denmark Daughter.
Oh oh that man that come under my hand
I cut him as small as dust
and send his Body to the Bakehouse to make a pie-crust.

[Turkish Knight]

In comes the proud Turkish Knight
just come from my proud Turkish land to fight
that man of courage bold.
If his blood is hot, I soon draw it cold.

[King George?]

Draw out your sword and fight
Pull out your purse and pay
For satisfaction we will have
This very night before we go away.

[Turkish Knight?]

Oh you villain, let us this battle try:
Lady and Gentleman see what wonderful work I done,
I cut and slain the Champion down like a flying eagle in the sun.

[Bold and Hardy]

In come I the valiant soldier,
Bold and Hardy is my name,
To be of vengie of my master
Death unto this place I came.
My head is as hard as iron
My hamlet is made of steel
My sword is buckle by my side
To fight King George all in this field.

[King George?]

Oh Hardy, Hardy, don't you be so bold
nor talk or think so great;
when you see your master lay there dead and cold
soon you shall be in the same state.

[Bold and Hardy]

Oh you villain it was you who struck my master
with a blow pierce him to the heart
the very same thing I will do to you this night
before we two do part.
Let us this battle try.
Now Lady and Gentleman see what wonderful work I have done.

[King George?]

Oh you villain, as you live
this very night long side that rough Turkey you shall lie.

[King George?]

Lady and Gentleman see what wonderful work I have done:
I have cut and lain these two champions down,
like a flying eagle in the sun.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

Doctor, Doctor!
is there a doctor to be had all in this night
to cure these two men of their bleeding wound
and make them stand up right?
oh yes there is a doctor to be had all in this night
to cure these two men of their bleeding wound
and make them stand up right.
What can you cure, Doctor?


Hippsey, Pippsy Pousey Gout
Pain wound inside or out
broken arm broken leg broken bone of any kind.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

What you fees, Doctor?


Twenty guineas is my fees, money I have down;
Although you are an honest man I do it for ten pound.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

When will you see me pay?
I see you pay or unpay in the morning,
you see me pay or unpay in the morning.


You see me pay or unpay in the morning:
here, boy, get my horse and I am gone.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

Stop, stop, Doctor; I see you pay in the morning.


Oh now you talk more like a man.
Now, Lady and Gentleman, I have got a little box of pills
which I called the best Dutch pills,
likewise a bottle of drops which I called the best golden drops.
I shall put one to the nose and one to the heart,
and make them rise and fight their part.
Snuff hard, Jack !

[Unidentified Patient]

Rise, fight, fall no more, for many time have I been slay:
I'll rise and fight King George again.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

Doctor, kick these two Turkish dogs out of doors.

Little Black Jack

In come I little Black Jack,
wife and family at my back:
money I have, money I crave;
if you don't give me money I will sweep you to your grave.
Although Christmas comes but once a year,
when it comes it brings good cheer.
Plum-pudding mincepies,
nobody likes them better than I.
Money in pocket is a very fine thing
though it isn't very often to be seen.
Lady and Gentleman, give me what you please.

[Unidentified Speaker]

Now Doctor, these two Turkish dogs that you just kick out of doors
if they will their master pardon beg,
I will them forgive.
Pardon me most noble king and do not cut me down;
I will be burnt unto stake if you will heal up my crown.
Rise and sing and see your county knighted,
for to-night will merry merry be
and to-morrow we get sober.


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