Location: Lutterworth, Leicestershire, England (SP5484)
Year: 1863
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: Mummers


W. Kelly
Notices Illustrative of the Drama, and other Popular Amusements... Extracted from the Chamberlian;s Accounts and other Manuscripts of the Borough of Leicester
London, John Russell Smith, 1865, pp.51-56



{Enter Captain Slasher.}

Captain Slasher

I beg your pardon for being so bold,
I enter your house, the weather's so cold,
Room, a room! brave gallants, give us room to sport;
For in this house we do resort, -
Resort, resort, for many a day;
Step in, the King of England,
And boldly clear the way.

{Enter King of England.}

King of England

I am the King of England, that boldly does appear;
I come to seek my only son, - my only son is here.

{Enter Prince George}

Prince George

I am Prince George, a worthy knight;
I'll spend my blood for England's right.
England's right I will maintain;
I'll fight for old England once again.

{Enter Turkish Knight.}

Turkish Champion

I am the Turkish Champion;
From Turkey's land I come.
I come to fight the King of England
And all his noble men.

Captain Slasher

In comes Captain Slasher,
Captain Slasher is my name;
With sword and pistol by my side,
I hope to win the game.

King of England

I am the King of England,
As you may plainly see,
These are my soldiers standing by me;
They stand by me your life to end,
On them doth my life depend.

Prince George

I am Prince George, the Champion bold,
And with my sword I won three crowns of gold;
I slew the fiery dragon and brought him to the slaughter,
And won the King of Egypt's only daughter.

Turkish Champion

As I was going by St. Francis' School,
I heard a lady cry 'A fool, a fool!'
'A fool,' was every word,
'That man's a fool,
Who wears a wooden sword.'

Prince George

A wooden sword, you dirty dog!
My sword is made of the best of metal free.
If you would like to taste of it,
I'll give it unto thee.
Stand off, stand off, you dirty dog!
Or by my sword you'll die.
I'll cut you down the middle,
And make your blood to fly.

{They fight; Prince George falls mortally wounded.}

{Enter King of England.}

King of England

Oh, horrible ! terrible ! what hast thou done ?
Thou hast ruin'd me, ruin'd me,
By killing of my only son!
Oh, is there ever a noble doctor to be found,
To cure this English champion
Of his deep and deadly wound?

{Enter Noble Doctor}


Oh yes, there is a noble doctor to be found,
To cure this English champion
Of his deep and deadly wound.

King of England

And pray what is your practice?


I boast not of my practice,
neither do I study in the practice of physic.

King of England

What can you cure ?


All sorts of diseases,
Whatever you pleases:
I can cure the itch, the pitch,
The phthisic, the palsy and the gout;
And if the devil's in the man,
I can fetch him out.
My wisdom lies in my wig,
I torture not my patients with excations,
Such as pills, boluses, solutions, and embrocations;
But by the word of command
I can make this mighty prince to stand.

King of England

What is your fee?


Ten pounds is true.

King of England

Proceed, Noble Doctor;
You shall have your due.


Arise, arise ! most noble prince, arise
And no more dormant lay;
And with thy sword
Make all thy foes obey.

{The Prince arises.}

Prince George

My head is made of iron,
My body is made of steel,
My legs are made of crooked bones
To force you all to yield.

{Enter Beelzebub.}


In comes I, old Beelzebub
Over my shoulder I carry my club,
And in my hand a frying-pan,
Pleased to get all the money I can.

{Enter Clown.}


In come I, who's never been yet,
With my great head and little wit:
My head is great, my wit is small,
I'll do my best to please you all.

{Song (all join).}


And now we are done and must be gone,
No longer will we stay here;
But if you please, before we go,
We'll taste your Christmas beer.

{Exeunt omnes.}


This version of text scanned from E.K.Chambers (1903) From W. Kelly, Notices Illustrative of the Drama, &c.,... from ... Manuscripts of the Borough of Leiceser (1865), 53. The version is that 'performed in some of the villages near Lutterworth, at Christmas 1863.'

File History:

1995-01-05 - Entered by Peter Millington
1997-03-25 - File named by Peter Millington
2002-05-06 - Full bibliographic reference added by Peter Millington
2021-01-15 - TEI-encoded by Peter Millington


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