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{THE MUMMERS}
{A Play for New Year written down by George Brown of Belford, Christmas 1986,
from memories of Great Grandfather Brown of Allendale who was Head Mummer about
1860-1870. The play was for about six men and was performed at public houses
on New Year's Eve, The men carried Tarry Toots. (Sacking tied on stout branches
and dipped in pitch to burn.)}
Actors. {Outside, shouting in}
Way, way, make way, for all the merry actors.
We hope to make the play.
Chief Mummer. {Calling in}
Here comes little Diddly Dought,
If you don't give money, I'll chase you all out.
Money I want and money I crave.
If you don't give me money I'll send you all to your grave.
{Chief Mummer departs}
{Enter Knight}
Knight.
Room! Room ! Make room.
I hope to win the game.
{Enter Second Knight}
Second Knight.
The game, sir; the game, sir, is net within your power,
For I could cut you down in inches in less than half an hour.
For my head is made of iron,
My body made of steel,
Legs and arms of beaten brass
No man can make me feel.
First Knight,
If your head is made of iron
And your body made of steel,
Legs and arms of beaten brass
I'm the man to make you feel.
Second Knight.
You Sir?
First Knight.
Aye Sir.
Second Knight.
Take your sword and try sir.
{They set to and fight- Second Knight falls.}
Actors.
He hacked him doon in pieces sma'.
First Knight.
Ah me, what have I done?
I have killed my sister's only brother's son.
Call the doctor.
I will give five pounds for a doctor,
Actors, {shouting}
There is no five.
First knight.
I will give ten.
Actors. {shouting}
There is no ten.
First knight.
I'll give the world.
Actors.
Hurrah! Here comes old Doctor Brown
The best old doctor in the town.
How came you to be a doctor?
Doctor.
By my travels.
Actors.
How far did you travel?
Doctor.
Upstairs and downstairs, into my grandmother's cupboard
With a lump of sugar and butter and bread.
And I think that's a very hard day's work.
Actors.
Can you do anything for this man?
Doctor,
Yes I can.
I have a little bottle in my pocket.
That cries Hokey Pokey- take a smell.
Rise up and sing this song.
{Second Knight rises and chants with doctor}
Second Knight and doctor.
Once I was dead, but now I'm alive.
God bless the doctor who made me alive.
With a pocket full of money and a barrel full of beer-
I wish you a Merry Christinas
And a Happy New Year.
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