M.W.Barley Collection (1952, P.M.Underwood - a)
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Transcription
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THE PLOUGH MONDAY PLAY
[M.W.Barley's manuscript note: "Made up in 1952 from various plays,
mainly Scarle and Walesby."]
November, 1952.
P.M.Underwood
West Wall,
Bulcote,
Notts.
THE PLOUGH MONDAY PLAY Bulcote, 1952-53
Actors
1. Tom Fool - dressed clown or jester fashion.
2. Farmer's Man - smock, corduroy trousers tied below knee.
3. The Lady - Long dress, pretty bonnet.
4. The Recruiting Sergeant - Scarlet uniform.
5. Dame Jane - bedraggled edition of "The Lady" - long skirt, shawl
old bonnet, & carrying a big doll wrapped in a shawl (head made of
wood)
6. Beelzebub (The Devil) - Ordinary working clotbes - inverted sack
with slits for arms & head - thickly padded with straw - string
round bottom of sack & ties.
7. The Doctor - Top hat, long black coat, gloves, cane (die whiskers)
(Extra F. Man if necessary & hobby horse to draw Plough)
Enter Tom Fool.
T.Fool. In comes I bold Tom
A brisk and a live young feller,
I've come to taste your best beef and ale
For they say its both ripe and mellow
Good evening ladies and gentlemen all
It's the Plough Boys that make me so bold as to call,
Don't take it as the end - all I've got to say
There's many more pretty boys and girls coming this way
Some can dance, and some can sing
By your consent they shall all come in.
Farmer's Man.
In comes
1. Here come I the Farmer's Man,
Don't you see the whip in my hand,
As I go forth to plough the land and turn it upside down.
So straight I go from end to end
And scarcely make a balk or bend,
And to my horses I attend
As they go marching round the end.
Gee! Whoa! Whoa!!
2. In
Here comes I who's lost me mate
Drooping, tears running down my pate.
Pity my condition, I do declare
For a false young girl I'm in despair
2.
T.Fool.
Cheer up young man, don't die in despair,
Soon the lady will be here.
Lady.
In comes the Lady, bright and gay,
Good fortune and sweet charms,
So scornfully I've been thrown away
Right out of my true love's arms.
He swears if I won't wed with him
He'll give me to understand
He'll surely list for a soldier
And go to a foreign land.
T.Fool.
Hocum, Pocum, France and Spain!
In comes the Sergeant all the same!
R.Sergeant.
In comes I, the noble recruiting sergeant.
I've arrived here just now,
And have orders from the Queen
To list all jolly fellows that follow horse, cart or plough
Such as Tinkers, Tailors, Pedlars, Nailers
And many more to my advance
The more I hear the fiddle play
The better I can dance.
T.Fool.
Faith lad! Thee dance!
R.Sergeant.
Aye lad! I can either sing, dance or say,
T.Fool.
If you dance, sing or say, I shall surely march away.
(Fool creeps away to join the Lady)
R.Sergeant. (Sings)
Come all you lads that's bound for listing,
List and do not be afraid
You shall have all kinds of liquor
And likewise kiss the pretty (fair) mains.
Your hat shall be well trimmed with ribbon
And likewise kiss the pretty maid
3.
F.Man (Seeing Fool & Lady together) (I likes your offer)
Well kind Sergeant I'll take your offer
Time with us will sweetly pass
Dash my wig if I'll grieve any longer
For that proud and saucy lass.
R.Sergeant.
Will you list young man?
F.Man.
Yes.
R.Sergeant.
Are you free, able and willing to take this shilling
And serve the Queen ?
(Seven years, not exceeding fourteen)
F.Man.
Yes.
R.Sergeant.
Then ten bright guineas will be your bounty
If along with me you'll go,
Your hat shall be neatly trimmed with ribbons
And you'll likewise cut a gallant show.
Lady.
Then since my love has listed,
And entered volunteer
I neither mean to sigh for him,
Not yet shed any tear.
I'd have him for to know
I'll have another sweetheart
And along with him I'll go.
T.Fool.
Dost the love me, my pretty maid?
Lady.
Yes, end to my sorrow.
T.Fool.
When shall be our wedding day?
Lady.
Tommy love, tomorrow. (Throwing her arms round him)
(T.Fool & Lady dance & sing.)
T.Fool & Lady.
We'll shake hands, and we'll lock banns, and we'll get
wed tomorrow.
4.
Enter Dame Jane.
In comes I, old Dame Jane
Neck as long as any crane.
Dib-dabbling over the meadow,
Once I was a blooming maid,
Now I'm a down old widow.
(dowdy)
To T.Fool
Tommy lad, a long time I've sought thee
But now at last I've caught thee
(aside) And since you're the biggest fool I can find,
Tommy lad, take to your child.
T.Fool.
Child, Jane its none of mine
Tis not a little bit like me.
D.Jane.
Look at its eyes, nose, mouth and chin
Its as much like you as ever it can grin.
T.Fool.
Who told you to bring it to me?
D.Jane.
The Overseer of the Parish
Said I was to bring it
To the biggest fool I could find.
T.Fool.
Take it away you saucy Jane and begone!
Enter Beelzebub.
In comes I old Beelzebub,
On my shoulder I carry a club,
In my hand a frying pan,
To catch all the money I can
Is there any old woman can stand before me?
D.Jane
I can - my head is made of iron,
My body lined with steel
My shins are made of knuckle-bone,
And you can't make me feel,
5.
Beelzebub.
Well, if your head is make of iron,
And your body lined with steel,
And your shins are made of knuckle-bone,
I still can make you feel.
(He fells her & the infant with his club, & the wooden head of
the doll strikes the floor with a loud bang)
T.Fool.
Oh Belzie! Belzie! What have you done!
You've killed the Dame and limted her done!
(calling)
Five pounds for a Doctor!
Beelzebub (growling)
Ten pounds to stop away!
T.Fool.
Fifteen pounds to come in!
Oh Doctor, do come in.
Enter Doctor. (off - Here boy hold my pony)
In comes I the Doctor.
T.Fool.
You the Doctor?
Doctor.
Yes me the Doctor?
T.Fool.
How came you to be the Doctor?
Doctor.
I've travelled for it,
Over Itty Pitty, where there's neither house, land, nor city
Wooden churches, leather bells
And black pigs' pudding for bell-ropes.
T.Fool.
Well, what pains can you cure?
Doctor.
Oh - Hipsy, Pipsy, Palsy, Gout
Pains within and pains without.
Draw a tooth, set a leg
Cure all pains within the head
6.
T.Fool.
Clever Doctor try your skill
Doctor.
Thanks kind sir and so I will
Take my hat, kid gloves and walking stick
While I feel the woman's pulse (He feels her ankle)
T.Fool.
Is that where you feel her pulse?
Doctor.
Yes, where would you feel?
T.Fool.
Back o' the head, of course.
Doctor (Rolls Jane over & feels back of head - prodding business)
She is not dead, she's in a trance
I have here a small box of pills.
Let her take two to-night and two in the morning
And let her swallow the box at dinnertime.
I'll give her a sup of my wiff-waff
Pour it slowly down her tiff-taff.
(Business with coloured water etc.)
If she can dance - you can sing
Then rise old girl, we'll all begin.
All together (Singing & moving round the room)
Good master and good mistress,
As your sit round your fire,
Remember us poor plough boys (lads)
That plough through mud and mire,
The mire it is so very deep,
The water runs so clear.
Just think of us poor plough boys
With a mug of your best beer.
(Fool creeps away)
Good master and good mistress,
You see our fool is gone
We take it as our business
To follow him along.
We thank you for civility
And what you've given us here
And now we wish you all Good Night
And another Happy Year. (Exit) |
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